A Rather Equestrian Pedestrian
by Find Pie
Summary: When Louise Françoise said she wanted a magical creature, this was most definitely not what she meant. She supposed that a 12 foot long creature would count as powerful, if only by size. WARNINGS: Crack, to the extreme.


**A Rather Equestrian Pedestrian**

_When Louise Françoise said she wanted a magical creature, this was most definitely not what she meant. She supposed that a 12 foot long creature would count as powerful, if only by size._

* * *

Rustle.

Eyes narrowed.

Hyena?

Rustle.

Green light?

Rustle-rustle.

Tongue flick.

Humans?

Yes, most definitely, he would recognize that sound anywhere. It seemed different though, not unlike those who fought before.

Rustle.

Green pond in floating in the air?

Curious.

Rustle-rustle.

* * *

"Come on Louise! Weren't you going to show us that you aren't an utter pedestrian?"

Louise pointed her wand in the direction of the fool stupid enough to incur her almighty wrath. "Fireball!"

Or, at least that's what happened in her head. In reality she merely huffed at the mean-spirited student and held her wand out in the air.

"My servant that exists somewhere in the universe, heed my call!"

Explosion. Louise inwardly cursed her inability to use proper magic as a thick, dark smoke welled up, covering most of the surrounding area. A strange noise, not unlike the chirping of crickets sounded in the area and, as the smoke cleared and the source of the noise was revealed, jaws started dropping.

Louise the Zero had somehow managed to summon a 12 feet long aardvark.

Crickets could now be heard, chirping an odd melody alongside the gigantic aardvark.

Colbert merely took his glasses off, polished them and put them back on. Once he discovered he still saw a gigantic aardvark which stared curiously at the still gaping students, he took off his glasses once again and walked up to the castle wall. He then proceeded to bash his head into to wall and shout "Louise! Louise de La Vallière, give me back my sanity!".

The aardvark snorted.

* * *

After a cursory glance at his surroundings he tried to make heads and tails of the situation.

So, the silly humans had brought him to some place with a large stone structure on a surface so close to being utterly flat that it made the desert he lived in look like a mountain range. The strange humans (honestly, who has extra fur that can be taken on and off at will?) were chattering about, sounding roughly like those strangers had done so long ago. Although, they didn't sound nearly as aggressive, and the sound of rolling thunder and those heavy steel animals were missing as well.

He glanced at what he thought was at least mildly peculiarly coloured hair but dismissed it. He was hardly an expert on these weird creatures, and while he had thought they didn't have such hair colours, it didn't surprise him that they did. Humans were weird after all, just look at the strange fellow with the stick banging his head against the wall and shouting about his sanity. As if someone banging his head against the wall and carried a large stick around had any of that!

But, he decided, he might as well makes his displeasure known. He had been getting ready for a rather large feast since he found that anthill yesterday evening.

"Oi. Why've you brought me here?" He said, his usual bored tone shining through in his speech.

As one the entire courtyard, strange man with stick included, fainted.

He snorted. Silly humans.

* * *

Headmaster Osmond frowned as he looked upon the newest summoned familiar. He identified it as an aardvark, though much larger than any he'd ever seen. He stroked his beard as he fondly remembered his travels, namely near Rub' al Khali where he had seen an aardvark for the first time.

There was something nagging at the back of his head though, almost as if he'd forgotten something. Then it hit him. Colbert had mentioned that he had a cunning plan, he would put together a list of words along with their spelling and definition so that everyone would spell the words the same way and that the meaning of the words would be clear. And Colbert had forgotten to put in the word aardvark at the very top of the list! He rushed over to his desk, quickly scribbling down the name of the animal and its definition.

"Aardvark... medium-sized insectivore with a protruding nasal implement."

Somewhere far away in a country where the rain never stopped, a turnip sneezed.

* * *

**Omake: **

**History Class: **_Battle of Vernon, 150~ years post-cannon._

"Chasseurs á Cheval, charger!" And so began the devastating charge of the 2nd Aardvark division (2ème division d'Chasseurs Aardvark).

The first rows of infantry had been caught in the flanks by the charge of the vicious aardvarks and had no time to retreat behind the pikemen. The result was brutal, nearly 80 men had fallen in the first ten seconds of the charge and the remaining half of the infantry regiment decided that facing aardvarks was a little too dangerous and fled the field. When the second charge came from the rear, performed by the 1ème division d'Chasseurs Aardvark, routing another two regiments, the remaining four regiments of the left flank routed, leaving the remaining forces of the Gallian army utterly and completely outmanoeuvred. This was the first victory that led to the rebuilding of the Tristanian Empire.

"This was the first recorded charge of aardvark cavalry, which has remained the primary force of cavalry ever since. Now then, I want at least three pages on how the Aardvark Chasseurs first came into being and why they outmatched the horses as cavalry." Staff Sergeant Charles Leclerc told his men as he aimed an angry glare at the local prankster who looked to be up to some mischief or other.

* * *

**AN: Well, that ends that I suppose. I wrote this in a hurry as the idea wouldn't leave me alone, please notify me of any mistakes. Tell me if you think I should continue this or if I am the only one who thinks an aardvark as a familiar is hilarious.**

**Aug. 12 2013: Fixed phrasing and minor plural error. Corrected French in summary.**


End file.
